👤 Grammar · Pronouns
Each Other vs Themselves (Reciprocal Pronouns)
When the action passes between people and when it bounces back — the difference between falling for each other and just embarrassing yourselves.
Grammar › Pronouns › Each Other vs Themselves
The rule in one sentenceUse each other (or one another) when the action passes between people — A does it to B and B does it to A — and use themselves when the action comes back onto the people doing it: each person acts on himself or herself.
What’s the difference?
English gives you two pronouns for sentences where the subject is a pair or a group — and they mean completely different things.
Each other is a reciprocal pronoun: the action crosses between the people. The Shop Around the Corner is the perfect illustration — two Budapest shop clerks argue with each other across the counter all day, never suspecting that they are also writing anonymous love letters to each other by night. He writes to her, she writes to him: the action travels in both directions.
Themselves is a reflexive pronoun: the action turns back on its own subject. In To Be or Not to Be, a troupe of Warsaw actors disguise themselves to fool the occupying officers — each actor disguises his own face, his own body. Nothing passes between them; the action loops back.
🎬 Compare: “In The Awful Truth, Jerry and Lucy sabotage each other’s new romances” (he ruins hers, she ruins his) vs. “Jerry and Lucy keep embarrassing themselves at parties” (each one embarrasses himself or herself).
Same divorcing couple, two different grammatical directions. If A does it to B and B does it to A, you need each other.
The quick test: rewrite the sentence as two sentences. Leonardo likes Gabriel + Gabriel likes Leonardo → they like each other (that’s The Way He Looks in one line). Leonardo blames Leonardo + Gabriel blames Gabriel → they blame themselves. If the rewrite crosses the pair, it’s reciprocal; if it stays inside each person, it’s reflexive.
How to build it
each other — the action crosses
- In Machuca, Gonzalo and Pedro come from opposite ends of Santiago but defend each other at school.
- In Like Water for Chocolate, Tita and Pedro love each other for decades, though tradition forbids them to marry.
one another — same meaning, more formal
- The actors in To Be or Not to Be cover for one another every time a plan starts to fail.
each other’s — the possessive
- Alfred and Klara in The Shop Around the Corner have been reading each other’s letters for months without knowing it.
themselves — the action returns
- In The More the Merrier, wartime Washington is so crowded that strangers find themselves sharing one small flat.
- The troupe in To Be or Not to Be disguise themselves as officers.
When to use which
Use each other when…
- The feeling or action is mutual: The divorcing couple in The Awful Truth clearly still love each other.
- People meet, know, trust or deceive one another: In Libeled Lady, four schemers spend the film deceiving each other.
- You need a possessive between people: each other’s letters, each other’s secrets.
Use themselves when…
- Each person acts on himself or herself: The actors disguise themselves.
- The group finds itself in a situation: The flatmates in The More the Merrier find themselves queuing for one bathroom.
- You mean “alone”, with by: by themselves = without help or company.
Verbs that love “each other”
Some verbs describe things people naturally do in pairs — when you see them with a plural subject, expect a reciprocal pronoun.
Quick test: can you honestly say “A did it to B and B did it to A”? Then it’s each other. If each person only did it to himself or herself, it’s themselves.
Visual guide
Teacher Teddy’s illustrated guide to this rule is being drawn — the full swipe-through infographic will appear here soon.
Common mistakes
❌ In The Way He Looks, Leonardo and Gabriel slowly fall for themselves.
✅ In The Way He Looks, Leonardo and Gabriel slowly fall for each other.
The feeling passes between the two boys. “Falling for themselves” would mean each one falls in love with himself — vanity, not romance.
❌ Alfred and Klara in The Shop Around the Corner treasure each others letters.
✅ Alfred and Klara in The Shop Around the Corner treasure each other’s letters.
The possessive is each other’s — apostrophe before the s, every time.
❌ In Libeled Lady, the newspaperman and the heiress meet themselves on an ocean liner.
✅ In Libeled Lady, the newspaperman and the heiress meet (each other) on an ocean liner.
Meeting is mutual by definition — you can say “meet” alone or “meet each other”, but “meet themselves” sounds like science fiction.
❌ In Machuca, Gonzalo and Pedro know what each other is thinking.
✅ In Machuca, each of the boys knows what the other is thinking.
Each other can’t be the subject of a clause. When you need a subject, split it into “each … the other”.
Exceptions & tricky cases
1. The “two vs more than two” rule is a myth. Older grammar books said each other = two people, one another = three or more. Modern English uses both freely for any number — the whole troupe in To Be or Not to Be protect each other is perfectly correct, and so is one another.
2. Some mutual verbs can drop “each other” completely. Meet, marry, kiss, hug, argue already contain the two-way meaning. ✅ Jerry and Lucy in The Awful Truth married long before the story begins — no pronoun needed, though “married each other” is also fine.
3. The noun after each other’s can be singular or plural. ✅ Tita and Pedro in Like Water for Chocolate long for each other’s company (singular) · ✅ Alfred and Klara criticise each other’s opinions (plural). The apostrophe never moves.
4. Sometimes both pronouns are grammatical — with different meanings. ✅ The schemers in Libeled Lady blamed each other (he blamed her, she blamed him) · ✅ The schemers blamed themselves (each one felt personally guilty). Choose by meaning, not by habit.
Practice: choose the right pronoun
Eight quick questions. Pick the answer you’d actually say — you get the explanation either way.
1. In The Shop Around the Corner, Alfred and Klara write to ___ without knowing it.
He writes to her and she writes to him — the action crosses between them, so it’s reciprocal.
2. The actors in To Be or Not to Be disguise ___ as occupying officers.
Each actor disguises his own face — the action returns to the subject, so it’s reflexive.
3. In The Way He Looks, Leonardo and Gabriel gradually fall for ___.
The feeling is mutual — it passes between the two boys.
4. Alfred and Klara have been reading ___ letters for months.
The possessive form always takes apostrophe + s: each other’s.
5. In The Awful Truth, Jerry and Lucy clearly still love ___ — the divorce fools nobody.
He loves her and she loves him — reciprocal. “Love themselves” would mean something quite different.
6. Wartime Washington is so full in The More the Merrier that strangers find ___ sharing one small flat.
“Find themselves + -ing” means they end up in a situation — a reflexive pattern, not a mutual action.
7. In Machuca, the two boys stand up for ___ when school turns cruel.
One another means the same as each other. “Theirselves” is never correct in standard English.
8. In Libeled Lady, four schemers spend the whole film deceiving ___.
After a verb you need the plain reciprocal, each other; each other’s only comes before a noun (each other’s plans).
Keep going
Related lessons in Pronouns:
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